Stuff I've written that is on the interwebs.

What Your Wine Label Says About You These are the 10 types of people who, like myself, buy bottles of wine based solely on what the labels look like. 

What Your Wine Label Says About You

These are the 10 types of people who, like myself, buy bottles of wine based solely on what the labels look like. 

Art Basel through a Crappy Lens In deference to their "no professional photography" policy, I reviwed Art Basel using only poorly-taken phone pictures. 

Art Basel through a Crappy Lens

In deference to their "no professional photography" policy, I reviwed Art Basel using only poorly-taken phone pictures. 

Reviewing With Light I attempted a monthly review of each page of the Thomas Kinkade "Painter of Light" calendar.  He passed away in June of that year. That made it weird. 

Reviewing With Light

I attempted a monthly review of each page of the Thomas Kinkade "Painter of Light" calendar.  He passed away in June of that year. That made it weird. 

Baseball Card Hall of Infamy In which I recall both the glory days of baseball cards, and the most hilarious failures from the era. Additional interview with Josh Wilker here. 

Baseball Card Hall of Infamy

In which I recall both the glory days of baseball cards, and the most hilarious failures from the era. Additional interview with Josh Wilker here. 


The 7 Types of Idiots You See Waiting in Line For the New iPhone Co-written with this guy. He did the odd words, I did the even, something like that. 

The 7 Types of Idiots You See Waiting in Line For the New iPhone

Co-written with this guy. He did the odd words, I did the even, something like that. 

If A Tree Falls... In which I solve the ancient philosophical thought experiment, once and for all.                                                                                                   

If A Tree Falls...

In which I solve the ancient philosophical thought experiment, once and for all.                                                                                                   

Turkeyball The true story of football on Thanksgiving, written for the New Yorker online. 

Turkeyball

The true story of football on Thanksgiving, written for the New Yorker online. 

 TL;DR Wikipedia A frequent contributor to this, which is better than the real Wiki in that we don't beg you for money. Nominated for a 2015 Shorty Award!

 TL;DR Wikipedia

A frequent contributor to this, which is better than the real Wiki in that we don't beg you for money. Nominated for a 2015 Shorty Award!


Every month in Esquire we (myself, plus my co-contributors listed in the bottom right-hand corner of the page) create an entirely inaccurate Wikipedia-like page on a topic that is introduced elsewhere in the issue. For now, they're not online, but I'll be posting some of them here. Here's September 2017. 

Every month in Esquire we (myself, plus my co-contributors listed in the bottom right-hand corner of the page) create an entirely inaccurate Wikipedia-like page on a topic that is introduced elsewhere in the issue. For now, they're not online, but I'll be posting some of them here. Here's September 2017.